O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me ... My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear ... I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth [this because of my own foolishness, my own poor choices]; I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.
I will wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God. For I said, "Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips." For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me [because I do not let go of what continues to strike me - my owned flawed character]. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin [and truly I am because it haunts me and it causes hurt to those about whom I claim care and for whom I claim love] ... O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.
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I said, "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence." But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:
"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. SELAH
"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this. Remove your scourge from me; I am overcome by the blow of your hand. You rebuke and discipline men for their sin; you consume their wealth like a moth-- each man is but a breath. SELAH
"Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were. Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more."
These words ring true in my heart as I have wronged my dearest friend, and though some verses do not and others ring true in a sense other than that of David's, I value these deep words of amazing expression that so well reflect my own feelings. These two Psalms powerfully address the state of my heart, sinful and remorseful, desiring grace yet recognizing the righteous judgment of the present, praying that it changes me.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
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