Le premier essai

Spiritual Disciplines Inventory

Perdu

Alors, je n'ai pas réussi à remplacer les casse-têtes avec des écrits ...

Je n'ai pas encore la maîtrise de soi nécessaire pour le faire mais je travaillerai.

Puisque les postes anciennes, beaucoup de choses se sont passées. J'ai travaillé au lycée Mark Keppel comme spécialiste d'intervention concernant les maths. Dans ce rôle, j'ai aidé les profs avec l'enseignement et les étudiants avec leur compréhension. Je n'ai pas eu ma proper classe, mais j'étais dans les classes de plusieurs professeurs (mâles et femelles) en les aidant à la plupart à l'arrière des chambres de classe mais parfois j'ai enseigné aux étudiants. C'était un bon travail et je me suis amusé d'aider les étudiants avec les maths en classe et pendant le déjeuner et après les heures de classe. J'ai aidé beaucoup d'étudiants avec le calcul aussi et avec les maths de compétition.

Mais quand les cours finissent en été, tous les étudiants n'ont plus besoin d'aide et ils partent. Je travaille encore au lycée mais seulement pour six heures par semaine. À part de ce travail, j'enseigne à trois enfants parler le français. Ils ont appris les chiffres de zéro à soixante-neuf, quelques fruits et quelques légumes, les salutations, le verbe avoir et d'autre choses, mais on rencontre pour une heure par semaine. Donc ils l'apprennent lentement. Et moi j'ai appris la langue française pour la première fois à l'université et je suis professeur (au lycée) pas instituteur de l'école primaire alors c'est une aventure nouvelle d'enseigner ces enfants des âges de 7 ans, de 9 ans et de 11 ans. Il est tard maintenant et je vais m'endormir bientôt. Bonne nuit à tous les lecteurs! À la prochaine!

Longtemps sans des mots

Il y a dix mois, j'ai posté sur ce blog-ci. C'était très longtemps et beaucoup de choses se sont passées. Puisque j'ai créé ce blog pour ma petite amie quand on s'est séparé l'un de l'autre par une distance considérable (on était et est encore ensemble mais loin), je n'ai pas eu beaucoup de raisons pour continuer de poster. Cependant j'ai été heureusement surpris de quelques commentaires laissées par mes lecteurs.

À cause d'eux, j'ai décidé de passer du temps plus prudemment en écrivant ici au lieu de jouer très souvent plusieurs casse-tête comme "Slither-Link (ou Les Clôtures)" et "Hashi (ou Les Ponts)". J'ai besoin de quitter ces trucs-là depuis des semaines mais maintenant j'aurai quelque chose avec laquelle je remplacerai cette dépendance. J'espère de vous voir bientôt ...

Réponse à la foi de "l'hipster"

I just finished reading an interesting article that I think has some relevance in each of our lives, because it speaks about the current generation, and the phenomenon labeled "Hipster Faith" by this Christianity Today author -- Brett McCracken (and perhaps others) -- and it bears many resemblances to my two communities of Exodus and Mountainside Communion. I encourage you to pass this on to whomever you think would find it interesting, and also to write back any reactions or reflections you may have.

I have seen this only in recent years, being warned by my youth pastor several years ago of what he then called the "emergent church", and so now I am becoming aware of the greater relevance of understanding this movement, and its validities and dangers to the Christian faith (as with any movement of Christianity, including the seeming lack of movement found in the church to which this rebels). Finally, I saw even more relevance due to the reading of the Crucified God and the discussions thereof.

Please follow the link on the title of the article/phenomenon above. I look forward to each of your thoughts on this.

Le pré

He knew it would happen, but he needed to step out. The wind howled and whistled just past his place of momentary shelter, beckoning him to a challenge. What he sought was out there somewhere, and crouching behind this petrified tree would not accomplish his mission.

As he stepped out from his shelter, as he felt the wind rush against him, he realized that its ferociousness was a feint, a trick of the many trees and rocks through which this wind meandered on the outskirts of the meadow. He looked out over the grass that stood between one and two meters from the ground. He had hunted many times here, but never for something so dangerous. Never for something about which he knew nothing except for what it left behind from its prey.

A slight change in the wind was barely enough to warn him. The large black object dropped to the ground several meters away, wings draped at the ready, a shimmer reflecting the moon's faint light. Before his eyes could even begin to make out who or what this was, his bow was taut with an arrow pointed straight where the heart may be. The blade was raised in a defensive position in front of the target, and a voice called out, "Peace. Lower your weapon."

He knew the voice, and obeyed without question. His friend sheathed the blade and walked cautiously, wary of other dangers in the night. "I was told that there were shadows skulking about in this field. What brings you out on a night when no deer or boar would dare to join you?"

"Have you heard the rumors."

"I have heard some. What merit do they have?" He noticed a shift in the other's stance and a tightening grip on bow and arrow.

"It is not merit of rumors that brings us here; its skulls, hooves, and other remains. The peasants are frightened. There is something new in these parts; something vicious and hungry. No one has caught a glimpse yet, but whatever it may be, it rarely leaves without some token of its action. Animals are disappearing from the flocks, but left behind are evidences of the kill. We do not know what beast this is, but it almost seems to want to be found or sought after. Few of the disappearing animals have vanished entirely."

"A very different beast than we have seen in the mountain fields." He shifted his eyes across the tall grass, straining to notice movement that was not caused by the constant wind.

"A very different beast than we have seen in the valley. Thus is our reason for such a hunt. I have seven other hunters searching the field with me. We must find this thing. Do you have friends?"

"Three scouts wait upon the cliffs for any trouble. Would you like some help?"

"You can see well in the dark, correct?" He smiled thinly towards his old friend.

"Almost as well as you Elves." Although the moon's light was faint, his thin returned smile was clear.

A thunderous burst of sound echoed through the field. The ground shook and eardrums were put to the test. The Elven hunter heard the subtle tightening of seven bows in different parts of the field. His winged friend tensed, ready to catch flight if necessary.

The sound roared across the field once more, sending a jolt through the nerves. Whatever was coming, it was big. Very big. A loud rustling sound combined with a slightly softer constant thunder, and the sounds began to move from the far edge of the field towards where the Elf stood. Who will be the prey now? he said quietly to himself. He heard a similar breath from his friend.

Une retraite courte et bonne? ...

Un weekend court ... c'était bien mais inachevé. Fallait-il achever une retraite après deux jours? Je pense que non et je rêve d'aller en retraite qui durait une ou deux semaines. Je ne suis pas sûre si l'on peut simplement l'appeler une retraite à cette pointe mais ...

C'est comme s' (selon mes pensées) il y a beaucoup de choses qui devrait achever pendant les heures dans les montagnes dans et autour de la cabane et les jours qui maintenant passera entre des nouvelles conversations vont voler l'importance et la significance d'elles à cause du manque de la proximité temporelle qu'on y trouve, là

Conversations inachevées (unfinished) ...

J'ai parlé à M.K. et elle voulait me poser une question, mais elle reste sans être posée. Et j'aurais voulu parler plus avec elle mais c'était deux jours courts.

J'ai parlé avec A.G. au sujet des livres de Guerres aux Étoiles et je voulait lui demander de son livre préféré. Je voudrais aussi parler avec lui de plus de choses, peut-être des choses sérieuses. Je regrette ne pas parler jusqu'à une heure plus tard mais j'étais si fatigué ...

J'ai parlé avec B.M.T. au sujet de mes relations et mes erreurs qui concernent K.K.T. mais je lui ai peu parlé d'elle-même.

J'ai parlé avec m'amour mais je souhaite que j'étais conscient d'elle tout au long de samedi en lui demandant "comment ça va" ou "est-ce que tu as besoin de quelque chose?" mais je ne l'étais pas jusqu'à ce que j'ai appris que je ne l'étais pas après la conversation utile avec B.M.T.

Conversations qui n'ont jamais été commencées (never begun) ...

Je n'ai pas parlé beaucoup avec J.L., J.M.L., P.DeV., M.G., W.O., B.J., T.T., M.G., & D.McC. mais j'ai voulu le faire.

Et je n'ai pas pensé à la plupart des autres personnes, et ça me condamne plus que ne pas parler avec des gens qui j'aime bien ...

Qu'est-ce que tu pense?

La conduite des portes

Je pousse la porte

et puis elle ouvre.

Tu tires l'autre porte

et puis elle ferme.

On marche à travers les portes

en les ouvrant et les fermant.

Elles sont des portails dans

les terres étrangères;

Pour quelqu'un une entrée

dans les lieux de la magie,

Et pour un autre une sortie

dehors les terres traversées.

Mes pensées réflechies

J'ai beaucoup de choses auxquelles je puisse penser, mais je n'y ai pas encore pensé. C'est pourquoi j'écris ce blog, pour penser à ces choses en écrivant les pensées liées.

Mon amie a beaucoup de problèmes, et elle a besoin de s'abandonner au Dieu vivant afin qu'elle et son mari vivront en la grâce de notre Seigneur Jésus-Christ. Sa belle-mère n'est pas en bonne santé. Elle a perdu son mari à un cancer il y a des mois et elle est dépressive. Elle a essayé plusieurs fois de se tuer et son fils s'inquiète d'elle et sa fille s'inquiète de sa vie spirituelle puisque on pense que Dieu ne pardonnera pas quelqu'un s'il s'est suicidé. Je prie à mon Dieu qu'elle et son mari seraient sauvés parce que ils en ont besoin - ils ont besoin de Dieu, de Jésus. La belle-mère aussi a besoin de la grâce de Dieu et de sa bienveillance. Elle a besoin de Lui pour vivre éternellement ici et maintenant.

J'ai parlé avec ma mère et je lui ai dit que mon frère serait encore fumeur de joint et que ses amis les sont avec lui. Peut-être pendant les vacances de Noël, il essaiera de fumer la marijuana. Je m'inquiète de ces choses et j'en ai eu assez de cacher la vérité de mes parents. J'avait décidé de parler avec ma mère plutôt que mon père parce que je m'intéresse de la manière par laquelle on le confronter au sujet de la fumer.

Aujourd'hui j'ai rendu visite aux Blaustones pour aider Zach avec les maths mais il n'a pas eu besoin de mon aide et il compter rencontrer son ami et passer du temps avec lui. Natalie m'a invité de l'accompagner à Healdsburg ... since she was going to get something for Justin and Morgan for Christmas and Graduation respectively, and I was just sitting around. I went along, and it was a good thing I did! Her windshield wipers were not working (usually only one works anyway), so we had quite an adventure just trying to get through downtown after getting the card for Morgan (the present for Justin would have to wait till tomorrow). To our horror, it was getting dark, and it was beginning to rain. Every chance we got (almost every stop sign or stop light, and several other side of the road stops) we would stop the car, shift into parking, run out and work together to manual use the wipers, then rush back into the car hoping that our effort was not wasted by an extended red light or multiple cars coming our way when we were parked to the side. We made it into Windsor, but then the rain began coming more viciously and the windshield was a blur. We parked at First Baptist Church after poorly making it through a traffic light. I traded spots with her to see if I could do better at seeing ANYTHING, which I wasn't really. But, I was more determined than she was to just drive without stopping and hope that no one ran out in front of us and that we could safely make it by looking at the faded white line and the yellow reflectors in the middle of the road to keep us from foolishly crashing into someone else. We made it to her house, and then she called Justin and got directions on what to do to try and repair it. We were able to repair the driver's side wiper so she was able to go to her apartment as I prayed for her safety while walking home in the cold, wet, beautiful night. We had been so absorbed in Bella's life that it was humorous and almost refreshing to have our own adventures, for once not living an exciting life merely vicariously...

Pray for my friend, her husband, and her mother-in-law; for my brothers, his friends, and my parents; for Natalie and her car. So many things to consider during such an important time of year; God sent His Son, proving His deep care for our lives and our problems and demonstrating His desire to know us more intimately and empathetically and to be the solution to our dilemmas, not necessarily in solving them but in being in relationship with us, in being our security and our purpose for living and loving - a much deeper kind of solution.

"I Love You"

These words astonished me upon their utterance and caused me to realize something so deep and wonderful that has been given to us - to the human race - by God.

She was a bride today and newly married to the man who solely possesses her heart. And yet, I believe that her love is being made more and more complete and overflowing through this time of committing herself uniquely to this young man and expressing unique love towards him to the honor of God, our eternal Maker.

As true love grows and blossoms, the capacity to love deepens, and so the romantic love fulfilled through a Christ-centered and Christ-filled relationship ripens all other forms of love so that it truly is easier to love others and express it to them.

Natalie said, "I love you," and I felt the love emanating from her, and I remembered that through my relationship with Kimberly, all other relationships (once I remembered that there were other people besides her) became further extensions of my love - love that began in the romantic relationship that God blessed.

A bride glows with the beauty of her love for her bridegroom, her family, and her friends, and I so look forward to the day when my bride can share her love in that amazing way with our united family and our friends.

Psalm 38: A petition & Psalm 39

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me ... My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear ... I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth [this because of my own foolishness, my own poor choices]; I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.

I will wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God. For I said, "Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips." For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me [because I do not let go of what continues to strike me - my owned flawed character]. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin [and truly I am because it haunts me and it causes hurt to those about whom I claim care and for whom I claim love] ... O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

-----------------------------

I said, "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence." But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. SELAH

"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this. Remove your scourge from me; I am overcome by the blow of your hand. You rebuke and discipline men for their sin; you consume their wealth like a moth-- each man is but a breath. SELAH

"Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were. Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more."

These words ring true in my heart as I have wronged my dearest friend, and though some verses do not and others ring true in a sense other than that of David's, I value these deep words of amazing expression that so well reflect my own feelings. These two Psalms powerfully address the state of my heart, sinful and remorseful, desiring grace yet recognizing the righteous judgment of the present, praying that it changes me.

Voyage à San Francisco

After working for about 5 hours telling money (that is, counting it for the purpose of receiving or cashing it out) in the Larkfield shopping center, I climbed into my car, warmed up the engine, and departed the parking lot with my four maps - maps that would guide me to my Love and her friend in San Francisco. I drove to the Larkspur Ferry Terminal, and purchased my one-way ticket to San Francisco's Old Ferry Station/Building.


After waiting for some time, they let us enter the waiting area for the ferry; then after waiting for a longer duration, passing the time by reading Augustine's On Christian Doctrine, we were permitted to board the ferry, in which I resumed my reading for the majority of the journey across the bay.


Once in San Fran, I traversed the market place within the Ferry Building and then consulted my map for the proper direction. I crossed the crosswalks and walked for quite some time, admiring the many tall buildings and interesting sites. I thoroughly enjoyed each moment, finally arriving at the SFMOMA (San Francisco Museum of Modern Art) with the twinge of deepening hunger in my stomach. I decided to keep these feelings at bay since I may see Kimberly and Jonathan at any moment.


I crossed the street to find a nice place to sit by a tiered structure with pools of water and to read another book - The Doors of Perception by Huxley. There I waited quite a long time until they arrived walking down the sidewalk, smiling and ready for their next adventure. Not having planned to go into the MOMA, yet confronted with some sort of obligation and desire of going inside, I was able to join them in the museum thanks to Kimi. The museum had some wonderful pieces in it with amazing beauty, and even many in which I desired to discover their beauty. So, despite our pressing need to rush through this four- or five-storied building filled with art, I could not help but pause for intense concentration and contemplation standing before many of the pieces.


Afterwards, as Kimi wrote, we enjoyed an amazing Thai dinner with appetizers, desserts, and very tasty main dishes. If only I was rich, then I could go there again and again, trying the many exquisite dishes of Thai cuisine.


The final leg of our journey was the ride home, which consisted of all three of us going to Larkspur so that I could retrieve my car, then our splitting up for the last hour of travel. Such a marvelous afternoon and evening with friends.

Dieu nous bénit abondamment

Encouragement
J’allai chez Blaustone pour parler avec le fils aîné. J’y avais apporté avec moi trois feuilles de papier qui contenait une histoire – l’histoire d’un autre monde dans lequel on ne voit pas du tout et où habite un être mystérieux. J’avais entendu que ce fils qui s’appelle Nathan était descendu en pente de son ancienne foi en Christ comme un de mes frères. Je voulait en parler avec lui depuis quelques semaines et ce soir j’ai agi sur ce désir.
Je lui donnai mon histoire de l’Aileauvent et après qu’il avait fait la vaisselle il la lut. Après ça on s’en entretint avec des questions, des pensées, et des reactions. Il l’aima et en parla du bien. Il fit l’éloge de l’histoire de l’Aileauvent particulièrement puisqu’il connaît la veritable histoire et qu’il aima bien cette expression d’elle. J’étais si heureux mais …

Découragement
En reconnaissant son besoin de foi, je demandai s’il crut en cette histoire qu’il connaît si bien. Il me parla au sujet de son incroyance et j’étais triste. On parla de son voyage en Angleterre et l’effet sur sa foi.

Encouragement
On se discuta de ces choses et puis il me demanda si j’eus d’autres questions et je me tus pour quelques secondes. Then I believe that the Spirit of God led my thoughts to consider this idea of stagnant faith in living a very plateaued Christian life followed by a raging fire of faith and action that resulted in disbelief. The Paraclete showed me (though I knew not at the time) that Nathan ought to consider using the schooling that he would be doing at the SRJC to nurse people in third-world countries alongside missionaries. Using his own interests and gifts, I believe that Nathan could live out his faith (though he lacks it now) by serving the sick and the poor around the world whether full-time or in a rotating schedule shifting between nursing in the states and nursing in the missionary field.
It was then that Nathan’s eyes shown and his face brightened into a beautiful smile because the Lord had confirmed in his life what he had already been considering for around half a year or more. Through dreams, Nathan realized his joy to be found in serving the invalids and infirmed, but through my words he may have seen God’s leading or at least His involvement and His presence in Nathan’s life.

Praise God for the wonders He accomplishes in ordinary sinners. May He save His people—humanity—and accomplish great things while we are serving Him uniquely on this orbis terrarum.

Une Visite de SSU (sans les images)

Je veux depuis quelques jours faire à ma petite amie
visiter le lieu de mes études d'éducation, et donc voici la visite:

Quand je suis au campus, je vais fréquemment à la bibliothèque.
Et afin d'y aller, on marche par une grande cour
qui se trouve entre deux bâtiments scolaires formidables.

Ces bâtiments scolaires ont reçu leurs noms
en souvenir de Charles Darwin et d'Adlai Stevenson.

En se retournant on voit un autre bâtiment scolaire
où était deux de mes classes d'éducation.
Il s'appelle Salazar en souvenir d'une journaliste - Ruben Salazar.

Et en se retournant encore et continuant tout droit
par la cour on arrive enfin à la bibliothèque
qui en souvenir de Jean et Charles Schulz
s'appelle Le Schulz Centre d'Informations.
C'est dans cette bibliothèque que j'étudie beaucoup
et que je passe beaucoup de temps.

C'est une belle université, n'est-ce pas?
J'attends ce jour-là où je pourrai marcher
avec ma belle Kimi ici.

NOTE:
Je déteste ce blog parce qu'il ne me permet pas
de mettre aisément les images.
Donc si vous voulez les voir, envoyez-moi un email.

Une femme de notre Seigneur

Ma grand-mère qui s'appelait Winnie Booth:
Hier était le quatre-vingt-septième
anniversaire de sa naissance.
Ça veut-dire qu'elle aurait vécu
quatre-vingt-sept années sur la Terre
Si elle n'était pas allée il y a environ un mois
pour être avec notre Seigneur.
Elle est très bienheureuse maintenant
Et un jour au futur on la verra
dans la gloire de Christ-Jésus.

Mais aujourd'hui je voudrais me souvenir d'elle
Parce que sa vie était précieuse
à toutes les personnes qui l'a connue.
Elle était chère, sympathique, et sage
Et elle me manquera jusqu'à ma mort ou au Retour de Jésus.

Day of Fortune

J'ai rendu visite à mon ancien professeur il y a cinq jours.
Il m'avait enseigné le calcul et la physique
Quand j'étais de grade supérieur au lycée,
Et me voilà dans sa classe de la physique une fois encore.

Par extraordinaire j'y suis venu le même jour
Qu'un photographe y était venu pour prendre des photos.
Et donc j'étais saisi par sa photo et j'étais mis
Dans le journal "Press Democrat" alors que tout le monde
Me verrait avec ce prof extraordinaire et ses étudiants.

J'étais heureux d'être avec Maestro Ramirez et ses étudiants
Parce que j'aime y aller et passer du temps avec eux,
En découvrant et redécouvrant beaucoup de choses de la physique.
J'étais heureux aussi d'y être avec Maestro Ramirez
Le jour où il était reconnu pour tout qu'il a fait
Pour tous les étudiants pendant sa carrière entière
D'enseigner au lycée et à l'université.

Nous voilà, dans la classe de la connaissance!

La pluie: Un reflet des émotions

On sortait en marchant main à main vers sa voiture;
Et pendant qu'on y venait, la pluie tombait.
Le temps réfléchissait les émotions qu'on se sentait.

À cause de la pluie, elle est entrée dans la voiture,
Et la porte restait entrouverte pendant que
J'étais assis à côté du bord de son siège.

Je restais à sa côté et la pluie tombait sur moi,
Mais je voulais seulement passer plus du temps avec elle -
Pour la plus grande quantité posssible de minutes.

Comme elle a commencé à partir, je restait debout
Jusqu'à ce qu'elle a tourné sur "Old Redwood Highway" et disparu.
À ce moment, la pluie s'est arrêtée de tomber sur moi ...
Comme si elle est venue seulement pour le moment crucial
Et comme si elle est partie avec m'amie en laissant la tristesse.

Reality Shattered the Bliss of Slumber

I awoke only two hours after going to sleep.
I was in a daze, unable to see clearly what was around me.
I was deeply longing to see the face of my Love, to caress it.
I sat up with cloudy vision and saw before me a face.

My longing and my half-conscious state schemed together.
My eyes saw the face of my Love, and I so longed to reach out.
My hand moved before me to simply run my fingers down her calm cheek.
My sudden awareness and instant recoil at the moment of reaction was intense.

He, my roommate, startled awake at the instant following the touch.
He seemed dazed, unable to discern what could have caused his break in slumber.
He lay back peacefully to resume while I hid in my covers below.
He was not my Love, so my longing was fully unfulfilled.

I look forward to the time when I can see her serene face.
My fingers will run along her soft skin and I will be able to then caress her face.
He will not interfere with my expression of Love, for
She will be the one before my eyes receiving my touch and responding in reciprocal love.

Unbeknownst to them

No one seemed to notice;
They just drove along with the traffic
That they always accompanied.
Two cars among the many drove in separate lanes,
Only a few car lengths apart.
They were lovers saying adieu,
Driving in similar yet vastly different directions.

I wonder how many others,
Among the thousands of cars that I see,
Are also lovers separated by the windows
Of their cars and the little air between.
I wonder how many others
Have just said adieu and ask themselves the question:
"Does anyone know what pain and loss
We are experiencing at this moment?"

Yet I also wonder how many,
Among the thousands of cars that I see,
Are lovers coming one to the other,
Joining again after a long bitter time apart.
I look forward to again being among that number soon.

Clouds of Loneliness Dissipating ...

Two nights ago, I experienced a new look at my friends who also undertook a new list of actions with various words to accompany them, all of which seemed to contradict my previous view of them and of their character. They swore, smoked, drank, and spoke of inappropriate things that did not benefit anyone, but, rather, such words harmed others and seemed to rebel against what Christians ought to do. Perhaps they are spiteful or jealous/convicted by the lives of Christians who live "according to the rules," or perhaps they are simply fools, forsaking reason and holding onto folly because of the occasion and the constant encouragement of their foolish peers.

The following night, I remember sharing my reflections upon that night over dinner with my family, and my questioning and worrisome conclusions: who would be at or in my wedding if so many of those whom I had called friends have chosen to throw away as rubbish the things they once held dear? With whom would I want to spend such an important event and could any of these possibly be included among that crowd? I felt alone, as though all those who were near to me in distance were strangers to me or worse, except for my family: my brother and mom affirmed my sentiments and the stupidity of my Sonoma County "friends."

This morning, I continued to struggle with the events of that first night and what I wanted to proclaim to these people. As I worked for hours, I rehearsed conversations or bits of them in my head, still unsure if my words would reap any effects among these people who mocked righteous living. After completing a large amount of solitary work, I felt as though my concerns were put into perspective as I saw the bridegroom and his groomsmen walking around the house talking with one another and with my family, preparing to leave for the church, and playing games. The attitude of that night seemed to have washed away significantly, and what remained was the friends that I knew and had befriended years ago. Such conflict as may have been was lessened by the preparations for the reception and then for our cleaning us ourselves in order to go to the church.

Luke and Jill were together for the majority of the time, and so I waited until most of the main events of the wedding reception had taken place, but as I approached Ted, Luke, and Jill, I realized that Luke and Jill were saying their goodbye for the evening. I had lost my opportunity once again to speak with my friend about my concerns, yet I still asked for a few minutes' word with Luke, and so Luke agreed because he saw the need I non-verbally expressed in the request. Jill went to get the keys and Luke's jacket and go to the car. Luke and I talked and talked, and although his position is not my own and although I could not persuade him of the risks that I superficially knew such an activity increased (superficial due to my limited knowledge and exposure to knowledge and/or experience), I was assured of my friend's deliberate actions to investigate the effects of his actions, to weigh the costs to himself and to others, to recognize the concerns of myself and the feelings of those who may be indirected affected by his choices on this matter, and to weigh the reasons that he did and did not have for taking part in this. My concerns, as he well knows, are not silenced, but I honor his right to choose for himself, and I respect his concern for me and for others who are harmed or stumbled by his choice (against their wishes). My talk with him about this led to discussion of the actions and particularly the attitude of the others at the bachelor party as we searched for his jacket without knowing that Jill had taken it with her. After some time, I escorted him to his car, being continually reassured of his intelligence (though I question this one choice, and will continue to question him about it) and of his character as the friend that I have known for so long. Although I disagreed with him on this matter, I felt as though the loneliness for even one good friend here was answered in Luke.

For myself, I know that I have no reason or justification to smoke or to participate in the kinds of speech and behavior that surrounded many of my friends on Thursday night. I stand firmly with my Love in finding it a detestable act. However, it wore on me as I wanted to discuss the great lifting of a weight off my shoulder today because of his foolish choice. I saw his concern for me and his calculating look at me as I explained my position, and knew that despite this decision, his attitude and his desire for an intelligent freedom (as he described the attitude that he missed from Bible College) helped to remove the feelings of isolation and replace them with a renewed friendship. It was this that I wished to share about today with my Love, and the inability to do so saddened me to silence. For to share my struggles and my joy with my Love strengthens my joy and allows me to connect my life with the one who is physically but not emotionally distant: my heart and soul reach out to touch her and share my life with her.

Des Accomplissements d'une Taupe

Aujourd'hui, j'ai travaillé dur un peu avec la terre: j'ai creusé (avec des pelles) des trous et des fosses pour mettre dans la terre la canalisation du p.v.c. pour un système d'extinction automatique ... And approximately half of those words were new vocabulary to me so I will translate and continue on in English :)

Today, I worked hard with the earth a little: I dug (with some shovels) some holes and some trenches in order to put in the ground PVC piping for our new sprinkler system. I worked my back a lot seeing so many things that needed to be done and not wishing to leave them undone. The hard manual labor felt good despite the havoc it must have wreaked upon my back. Three main things I did: digging the ditches for the irrigation pipes, uncovering the round around a valve box and removing all the dirt that had been held within as well as creating space for a second box to be placed right next to the first, and attaching the sprinkler heads onto the piping that was laid down and glued together (this last part was considerably more involved than the others).

I enjoyed each job, although my favorite was removing the dirt that surrounded the valve box because it reminded me of my favorite task in helping with the construction of my remodeled house last summer: digging 3 foot by 3 foot by 18 inch deep holes underneath the floors of my house and acting like a mole in a sense. At that time I had two trowels and a bucket to dig the dirt and hoist it up to a wheelbarrow that was situated nearby. This time I did not use a trowel, but I used a square shovel and two differently sized trenching shovels as well as my gloved hands. The reason that these two tasks were my favorite of the two jobs was that both were something that no one else would take the time to do quite as thoroughly, while I would spend a lot of time (perhaps too much) to make sure that the finished product truly impressed my overseers (then, John and the other foul-mouthed builders and their boss Chris Rhodes; this time, Mark the irrigation specialist and family friend and my dad).

I also enjoyed working with my bare hands after a while and getting a layer of mud covering them and drying into natural gloves (that couldn't protect you from anything). Overall, I enjoyed the hard labor, but two things continually called for me to end my working: my back (and the laziness that used it as an excuse to end even when it may not harm me to go on) and my deep desire to speak with my girl, especially when she texted me while my hands were covered with mud and dirt and I was unable to stop because the time of stopping seemed so close that I wanted to just push on. Now I am tired and sore, but content in the work that I accomplished for my father, and in the time I spent with Kevin afterwards. I now await my sweet for a word from her lips...