Le pré

He knew it would happen, but he needed to step out. The wind howled and whistled just past his place of momentary shelter, beckoning him to a challenge. What he sought was out there somewhere, and crouching behind this petrified tree would not accomplish his mission.

As he stepped out from his shelter, as he felt the wind rush against him, he realized that its ferociousness was a feint, a trick of the many trees and rocks through which this wind meandered on the outskirts of the meadow. He looked out over the grass that stood between one and two meters from the ground. He had hunted many times here, but never for something so dangerous. Never for something about which he knew nothing except for what it left behind from its prey.

A slight change in the wind was barely enough to warn him. The large black object dropped to the ground several meters away, wings draped at the ready, a shimmer reflecting the moon's faint light. Before his eyes could even begin to make out who or what this was, his bow was taut with an arrow pointed straight where the heart may be. The blade was raised in a defensive position in front of the target, and a voice called out, "Peace. Lower your weapon."

He knew the voice, and obeyed without question. His friend sheathed the blade and walked cautiously, wary of other dangers in the night. "I was told that there were shadows skulking about in this field. What brings you out on a night when no deer or boar would dare to join you?"

"Have you heard the rumors."

"I have heard some. What merit do they have?" He noticed a shift in the other's stance and a tightening grip on bow and arrow.

"It is not merit of rumors that brings us here; its skulls, hooves, and other remains. The peasants are frightened. There is something new in these parts; something vicious and hungry. No one has caught a glimpse yet, but whatever it may be, it rarely leaves without some token of its action. Animals are disappearing from the flocks, but left behind are evidences of the kill. We do not know what beast this is, but it almost seems to want to be found or sought after. Few of the disappearing animals have vanished entirely."

"A very different beast than we have seen in the mountain fields." He shifted his eyes across the tall grass, straining to notice movement that was not caused by the constant wind.

"A very different beast than we have seen in the valley. Thus is our reason for such a hunt. I have seven other hunters searching the field with me. We must find this thing. Do you have friends?"

"Three scouts wait upon the cliffs for any trouble. Would you like some help?"

"You can see well in the dark, correct?" He smiled thinly towards his old friend.

"Almost as well as you Elves." Although the moon's light was faint, his thin returned smile was clear.

A thunderous burst of sound echoed through the field. The ground shook and eardrums were put to the test. The Elven hunter heard the subtle tightening of seven bows in different parts of the field. His winged friend tensed, ready to catch flight if necessary.

The sound roared across the field once more, sending a jolt through the nerves. Whatever was coming, it was big. Very big. A loud rustling sound combined with a slightly softer constant thunder, and the sounds began to move from the far edge of the field towards where the Elf stood. Who will be the prey now? he said quietly to himself. He heard a similar breath from his friend.

Une retraite courte et bonne? ...

Un weekend court ... c'était bien mais inachevé. Fallait-il achever une retraite après deux jours? Je pense que non et je rêve d'aller en retraite qui durait une ou deux semaines. Je ne suis pas sûre si l'on peut simplement l'appeler une retraite à cette pointe mais ...

C'est comme s' (selon mes pensées) il y a beaucoup de choses qui devrait achever pendant les heures dans les montagnes dans et autour de la cabane et les jours qui maintenant passera entre des nouvelles conversations vont voler l'importance et la significance d'elles à cause du manque de la proximité temporelle qu'on y trouve, là

Conversations inachevées (unfinished) ...

J'ai parlé à M.K. et elle voulait me poser une question, mais elle reste sans être posée. Et j'aurais voulu parler plus avec elle mais c'était deux jours courts.

J'ai parlé avec A.G. au sujet des livres de Guerres aux Étoiles et je voulait lui demander de son livre préféré. Je voudrais aussi parler avec lui de plus de choses, peut-être des choses sérieuses. Je regrette ne pas parler jusqu'à une heure plus tard mais j'étais si fatigué ...

J'ai parlé avec B.M.T. au sujet de mes relations et mes erreurs qui concernent K.K.T. mais je lui ai peu parlé d'elle-même.

J'ai parlé avec m'amour mais je souhaite que j'étais conscient d'elle tout au long de samedi en lui demandant "comment ça va" ou "est-ce que tu as besoin de quelque chose?" mais je ne l'étais pas jusqu'à ce que j'ai appris que je ne l'étais pas après la conversation utile avec B.M.T.

Conversations qui n'ont jamais été commencées (never begun) ...

Je n'ai pas parlé beaucoup avec J.L., J.M.L., P.DeV., M.G., W.O., B.J., T.T., M.G., & D.McC. mais j'ai voulu le faire.

Et je n'ai pas pensé à la plupart des autres personnes, et ça me condamne plus que ne pas parler avec des gens qui j'aime bien ...

Qu'est-ce que tu pense?

La conduite des portes

Je pousse la porte

et puis elle ouvre.

Tu tires l'autre porte

et puis elle ferme.

On marche à travers les portes

en les ouvrant et les fermant.

Elles sont des portails dans

les terres étrangères;

Pour quelqu'un une entrée

dans les lieux de la magie,

Et pour un autre une sortie

dehors les terres traversées.

Mes pensées réflechies

J'ai beaucoup de choses auxquelles je puisse penser, mais je n'y ai pas encore pensé. C'est pourquoi j'écris ce blog, pour penser à ces choses en écrivant les pensées liées.

Mon amie a beaucoup de problèmes, et elle a besoin de s'abandonner au Dieu vivant afin qu'elle et son mari vivront en la grâce de notre Seigneur Jésus-Christ. Sa belle-mère n'est pas en bonne santé. Elle a perdu son mari à un cancer il y a des mois et elle est dépressive. Elle a essayé plusieurs fois de se tuer et son fils s'inquiète d'elle et sa fille s'inquiète de sa vie spirituelle puisque on pense que Dieu ne pardonnera pas quelqu'un s'il s'est suicidé. Je prie à mon Dieu qu'elle et son mari seraient sauvés parce que ils en ont besoin - ils ont besoin de Dieu, de Jésus. La belle-mère aussi a besoin de la grâce de Dieu et de sa bienveillance. Elle a besoin de Lui pour vivre éternellement ici et maintenant.

J'ai parlé avec ma mère et je lui ai dit que mon frère serait encore fumeur de joint et que ses amis les sont avec lui. Peut-être pendant les vacances de Noël, il essaiera de fumer la marijuana. Je m'inquiète de ces choses et j'en ai eu assez de cacher la vérité de mes parents. J'avait décidé de parler avec ma mère plutôt que mon père parce que je m'intéresse de la manière par laquelle on le confronter au sujet de la fumer.

Aujourd'hui j'ai rendu visite aux Blaustones pour aider Zach avec les maths mais il n'a pas eu besoin de mon aide et il compter rencontrer son ami et passer du temps avec lui. Natalie m'a invité de l'accompagner à Healdsburg ... since she was going to get something for Justin and Morgan for Christmas and Graduation respectively, and I was just sitting around. I went along, and it was a good thing I did! Her windshield wipers were not working (usually only one works anyway), so we had quite an adventure just trying to get through downtown after getting the card for Morgan (the present for Justin would have to wait till tomorrow). To our horror, it was getting dark, and it was beginning to rain. Every chance we got (almost every stop sign or stop light, and several other side of the road stops) we would stop the car, shift into parking, run out and work together to manual use the wipers, then rush back into the car hoping that our effort was not wasted by an extended red light or multiple cars coming our way when we were parked to the side. We made it into Windsor, but then the rain began coming more viciously and the windshield was a blur. We parked at First Baptist Church after poorly making it through a traffic light. I traded spots with her to see if I could do better at seeing ANYTHING, which I wasn't really. But, I was more determined than she was to just drive without stopping and hope that no one ran out in front of us and that we could safely make it by looking at the faded white line and the yellow reflectors in the middle of the road to keep us from foolishly crashing into someone else. We made it to her house, and then she called Justin and got directions on what to do to try and repair it. We were able to repair the driver's side wiper so she was able to go to her apartment as I prayed for her safety while walking home in the cold, wet, beautiful night. We had been so absorbed in Bella's life that it was humorous and almost refreshing to have our own adventures, for once not living an exciting life merely vicariously...

Pray for my friend, her husband, and her mother-in-law; for my brothers, his friends, and my parents; for Natalie and her car. So many things to consider during such an important time of year; God sent His Son, proving His deep care for our lives and our problems and demonstrating His desire to know us more intimately and empathetically and to be the solution to our dilemmas, not necessarily in solving them but in being in relationship with us, in being our security and our purpose for living and loving - a much deeper kind of solution.

"I Love You"

These words astonished me upon their utterance and caused me to realize something so deep and wonderful that has been given to us - to the human race - by God.

She was a bride today and newly married to the man who solely possesses her heart. And yet, I believe that her love is being made more and more complete and overflowing through this time of committing herself uniquely to this young man and expressing unique love towards him to the honor of God, our eternal Maker.

As true love grows and blossoms, the capacity to love deepens, and so the romantic love fulfilled through a Christ-centered and Christ-filled relationship ripens all other forms of love so that it truly is easier to love others and express it to them.

Natalie said, "I love you," and I felt the love emanating from her, and I remembered that through my relationship with Kimberly, all other relationships (once I remembered that there were other people besides her) became further extensions of my love - love that began in the romantic relationship that God blessed.

A bride glows with the beauty of her love for her bridegroom, her family, and her friends, and I so look forward to the day when my bride can share her love in that amazing way with our united family and our friends.

Psalm 38: A petition & Psalm 39

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. For your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down upon me ... My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear ... I am like a deaf man, who cannot hear, like a mute, who cannot open his mouth [this because of my own foolishness, my own poor choices]; I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.

I will wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God. For I said, "Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips." For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me [because I do not let go of what continues to strike me - my owned flawed character]. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin [and truly I am because it haunts me and it causes hurt to those about whom I claim care and for whom I claim love] ... O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior.

-----------------------------

I said, "I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence." But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. SELAH

"Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the scorn of fools. I was silent; I would not open my mouth, for you are the one who has done this. Remove your scourge from me; I am overcome by the blow of your hand. You rebuke and discipline men for their sin; you consume their wealth like a moth-- each man is but a breath. SELAH

"Hear my prayer, O LORD, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were. Look away from me, that I may rejoice again before I depart and am no more."

These words ring true in my heart as I have wronged my dearest friend, and though some verses do not and others ring true in a sense other than that of David's, I value these deep words of amazing expression that so well reflect my own feelings. These two Psalms powerfully address the state of my heart, sinful and remorseful, desiring grace yet recognizing the righteous judgment of the present, praying that it changes me.

Voyage à San Francisco

After working for about 5 hours telling money (that is, counting it for the purpose of receiving or cashing it out) in the Larkfield shopping center, I climbed into my car, warmed up the engine, and departed the parking lot with my four maps - maps that would guide me to my Love and her friend in San Francisco. I drove to the Larkspur Ferry Terminal, and purchased my one-way ticket to San Francisco's Old Ferry Station/Building.


After waiting for some time, they let us enter the waiting area for the ferry; then after waiting for a longer duration, passing the time by reading Augustine's On Christian Doctrine, we were permitted to board the ferry, in which I resumed my reading for the majority of the journey across the bay.


Once in San Fran, I traversed the market place within the Ferry Building and then consulted my map for the proper direction. I crossed the crosswalks and walked for quite some time, admiring the many tall buildings and interesting sites. I thoroughly enjoyed each moment, finally arriving at the SFMOMA (San Francisco Museum of Modern Art) with the twinge of deepening hunger in my stomach. I decided to keep these feelings at bay since I may see Kimberly and Jonathan at any moment.


I crossed the street to find a nice place to sit by a tiered structure with pools of water and to read another book - The Doors of Perception by Huxley. There I waited quite a long time until they arrived walking down the sidewalk, smiling and ready for their next adventure. Not having planned to go into the MOMA, yet confronted with some sort of obligation and desire of going inside, I was able to join them in the museum thanks to Kimi. The museum had some wonderful pieces in it with amazing beauty, and even many in which I desired to discover their beauty. So, despite our pressing need to rush through this four- or five-storied building filled with art, I could not help but pause for intense concentration and contemplation standing before many of the pieces.


Afterwards, as Kimi wrote, we enjoyed an amazing Thai dinner with appetizers, desserts, and very tasty main dishes. If only I was rich, then I could go there again and again, trying the many exquisite dishes of Thai cuisine.


The final leg of our journey was the ride home, which consisted of all three of us going to Larkspur so that I could retrieve my car, then our splitting up for the last hour of travel. Such a marvelous afternoon and evening with friends.